The one with a big confession

One of the main reason I keep missing my old  me or my old life are probably that was when I dont think much on what other might say or think bout me.

Plus, being me is so easy when it is not related to any other people. My action, my choice of words, my choice of outfits  will be all mine and mine alone.

Trust me, there will more things I would say if I am on my own.

There will be more things I will randomly do just because I want to.

Yeah. I am random like that.

Because  I am someone's  wife ,I no longer can be some people friends.

Because I am someone's  mom ,my choice of outfits have to cater that image.

To certain people, that come naturally.

To certain people, it is their choice.

To other some, their acceptance of adulthood are widely embraced.

But not to me.

I struggled.

I keep conflicting my choice.

I unwillingly tolerate , that keep on making me wanting to go back to being the carefree me. Which obviously can only happen in my mind or probably my dream.

I just miss being me.

The extrovert, love lepak, love words and fun me.

As I am always afraid of losing my own authencity, apparently the so called authencity is lost because I am somehow felt forced to feed the people expectation of me, because I am someone to someone else.

Who is forcing me, you asked? Not directly though, but  yes,  the look in your eyes, the words you said and the action you showed did.

Can you let me be me?

Even that statement is too heavy for me to utter .

Or is it, the enemy was just me all along, while everyone was never really care to begin with?