Tearful day.

Yesterday I cried.

Probably one of the hardest crying I ve experienced.

 

It started small.

It started with just drops of tears running down the cheek.

That it get into trying not make a sound crying in the bathroom.

I washed  my face.

Act normal and continue doing home stuff.

Then it get into trembling hand trying to hold of my tears.

I get in my room and continue letting go of the tears hoping it will stop.

It doesnt.

The sadness is overwhelmed.

The sorrow and loneliness in the battle wasnt easy and it is getting even darker.

As I finally speak up my nonsense reason, tears came running.

Like a heavy rain it come down pouring.

I got suffocated in my own tears.

My ears is buzzing.

My steady hand didnt make a comeback.

The shakiness get worse, as if my whole body feels it. I cant bring myself to sit down.

I feel lonely despite having people next to me.

I feel my nonsense can never meet its army hence my the battle is huge yet in silence.

I am trying to understand my own feeling while keep on wiping my cheeks.

Hours has passed.

Everytime I reminded of it, my eyes get watery again.

Tears visit me again.

It hurts again.

Emotionally and physically.

It burns. My eyes.

Then I noticed.  

Eventhough it is nonsense, eventhough it is irrational,

I probably just want attention,

I probably just want to win,

I want to choose me over anything whenever there is need for choosing.

I know.

My bad.